Formal Paper #1 – Final Draft

Overcoming Shyness Through Confidence

 

 

          To say that I was a shy child would be an understatement.  When I was little, I would sit beside my mother and watch the other children play.  If they would approach me and ask me to play with them, I would hide behind her.  More often than not, by the time I finally gathered the courage to join in on the fun, it was almost time to go home.

 

          My father was in the U.S. Navy.  We moved around quite a bit.  Every 2-3 years, he would be assigned to another duty station.  Two separate times I attended 3 different schools in the same school year.   Between kindergarten and sixth grade, I attended six different elementary schools.  My father’s last duty station was the hardest for me.  When he retired, we lived near a Navy town.  Being a “navy brat”, I was used to constantly being on the move.   Children of military personnel share a certain kind of camaraderie.  We had to say “hello” and “good-bye” to people often.  In this area, the kids grew up together.  Most have known each other since preschool.  I was an outsider.  Because of my shyness, I had a tough time making friends. 

 

 

          I was an awkward preteen.  I got along better with adults more than my peers.  While in school, I was ridiculed for being different.  I was also a tomboy.  During my eighth grade year, my mother enrolled me in a modeling school in Seattle.  Not necessarily because I was beautiful, but to help me learn how to act like a young lady.  I learned how to do my hair and make-up and carry myself with poise and confidence.  Or at least appear as if I had those attributes.  After modeling school, I participated in three pageants. I took speech and drama classes, sang in the choir and performed on the drill team.  Although I never became a super model, have been crowned queen, got a record deal or danced with the stars, these experiences helped me gain confidence in myself and gave me the ability to overcome my shyness.

 

          My senior year in high school, I took a cosmetology course through the vocational skills center.  I didn’t finish beauty school.  I realized that I enjoyed getting my hair done more than I enjoyed doing other people’s hair.  I found that it was hard to be in such close contact with customers while providing shampoos, haircuts, color, and other services.  I was nervous about my capabilities and afraid of customers not liking my work.

 

About a year later, I attended the local community college. I took jazz dance, math, science and psychology courses.  I found the subject of psychology fascinating.  I loved learning about how the mind works.  I learned that positive self talk greatly affects your self image.  I tried hard to stay positive about all aspects of my life   

 

After a few quarters of school, I got married to my high school sweetheart and started a family.  School was put on hold.  That relationship did not work out.  After a few years, I was a single mom with 2 young children.  I needed a way to support myself.  I decided to go back to school to become a medical assistant.  I was always interested in the medical field.  I graduated from school and got a job at a small doctor’s office.  Working in the medical field, you are exposed to people of all ages who are not feeling well and are in need of care.  You need to show confidence in yourself in order for the patient to trust in your abilities. 

 

I met my current husband while I was still attending school. Within a few months of getting married, I became pregnant with our first child.  I decided to become a stay at home mom and concentrated my efforts on the family.  I am now the mother of seven children.  I have six sons and one daughter between the ages of 4 and 21 years old.  I never planned to have so many.  I have always wanted a daughter.  My husband and I tried and tried.  We were finally blessed with a daughter as our fifth child.  Twice, we tried to give her a sister, but she gained two more brothers instead.  Being the only girl she is tough, just like one of the boys.  I have tried to teach her some lessons on how to behave like a young woman.  I tried my best to teach my children the lessons I have learned for myself.

 

I would like to believe that I raised my kids to be confident and without fear of speaking of what is on their mind.  They certainly are not shy.  I am proud that they are able to socialize and easily make friends.  It is natural when you have a network of “friends” built into your family.  As much as they fight as siblings, outside the home they know they have each others’ backs.  I am proud to be their mother and have faith that I have raised some wonderful kids.

 

After a twenty year hiatus, I returned to the same community college.  I had always planned on it.  I kept putting it off as more children kept coming into my life.  I finally was inspired to return to school.  The psychology professor that I took so many years ago was teaching a course that I was interested in.  I could not pass up on the opportunity.  My husband has been very supportive with my return to school.

 

In taking the abnormal psychology class I learned a great deal about myself as a person, wife, and mother.  I know my role in the home is important.  The way that I treat and nurture my children has the biggest impact on how they develop into adults and eventually parents.  Of course, this was known to me, but the class armed me with the insight and tools to purposefully do a more effective job.

 

The following quarter, I took a public speaking class.  Many people would find speaking in front of a large crowd a challenge.  I was nervous, but it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.  I actually enjoyed it.  I learned how to effectively use my voice to speak about topics that were important to me.  Although I must admit, the thought of speaking in front of an audience is still terrifying to me.  I don’t think that will ever change.

 

The other day, I met a professor that teaches acting classes.  I joked around with him.  I informed him that I took a public speaking course the previous quarter and that his class sounded like the next logical step.  He told me that I seemed like the kind of person who could do well in his class.  I think so, too.  I definitely am not shy.

My life has been full of lessons in self improvement.  I sure have come a long way from the shy little girl that I used to be.

Strategies to Develop My Educational Narrative

Reflecting on what it took to write my first formal paper brings me anxiety.  We were given examples of narratives to guide us in the type of work our instructor was expecting to see from us.  We also had reading assignments from our text along with in class exercises to guide us in putting our work together. 

 

Try as I might, I could not settle on a specific topic of which to write.  I had a general idea of my topic, but needed to narrow it down to specifics because I felt that I could not possibly write what I needed to say in a mere 1,000- 1,200 words.  It may sound like a large amount of words but in order to say what I felt necessary, in the depth that I had planned to write, that number did not seem to be enough.  The opposite could also be true.  I needed to find a topic in which I had enough material to write about. 

 

I originally planned to write about judging others.  My first blog post about my paper was about that subject.  That topic led me to friendship for another brainstorming session.  I also did a blog post on honesty.  While these topics can relate to my original plan, they seemed disconnected.  I needed something to connect them together and create some sort of transition between them.  I thought about it for some time. 

 

Reading the assigned exercises for our text, I had a hard time following the directions when it came to doing my essay.  How could I follow the processes detailed in the book in regard to putting together the first rough draft?  Especially when I felt that I had already said what I wanted to say in my prewriting exercises.  I would just combine the pre-writings to form the final paper.  The draft would be redundant.  In vain, I tried to find ways to follow strategies from the book for my elusive topic.  Some may have thought that I was procrastinating, but I was actually genuinely stuck on how to proceed.

 

In the end, I just wrote.  I didn’t follow any of the cues in which we were given. I didn’t use my previous writings in my draft.  I did what I usually do, go off on a tangent.  As always, my mind wanders, I get into a project having a certain goal in mind, and I end up with a final product that has nothing to do with my original intent.  It happens all the time.  As I see it, I need wait until I am inspired.  When I am, the work just flows with minimal effort.  Whatever comes out in at the end is usually a surprise to me.  I just hope, whatever final product comes out in the end turns out to be good.  And if I am lucky, it may even be great.

Formal Paper #1 - Rough Draft

Overcoming Shyness

 

          To say that I was a shy child would be an understatement.  When I was little, I would sit beside my mother and watch the other children play.  If they would approach me and ask me to play with them, I would hide behind her.  More often than not, by the time I finally gathered the courage to join in the fun, it was almost time to go home.

 

          My father was in the U.S. Navy.  We moved around quite a bit.  Every 2-3 years, he would be assigned to another duty station.  Two separate times I attended 3 different schools in the same school year.   Between kindergarten and sixth grade, I attended six different elementary schools. 

 

          My father’s last duty station was the hardest for me.  When he retired, we lived near a Navy town.  Being a “navy brat”, I was used to constantly being on the move.   Children of military personnel share a certain kind of camaraderie.  We had to say “hello” and “good-bye” to people often.  In this area, the kids grew up together.  Most have known each other since preschool.  I was an outsider.  Because of my shyness, I had a tough time making friends.  The cliques had been established long before I had arrived.

 

          In the sixth grade, I started hanging out with a group of girls that belonged to the popular crowd.  Once I got to know them, and found out what they were really like, I decided that I did not like them that much at all.  They were mean.  I started spending time people who were nicer instead.  The first group of girls were not happy.  After that day, I was ostracized.  They tormented me all through junior high and high school.

 

          I was an awkward preteen.  I got along better with adults more than my peers.  While in school, I was ridiculed for being different.  I was also a tomboy.  During my eighth grade year, my mother enrolled me in a modeling school in Seattle.  Not necessarily because I was beautiful, but to help me learn how to act like a young lady.  I learned how to do my hair and make-up and carry myself with poise and confidence.  Or at least appear as if I had those attributes.  After modeling school, I participated in three pageants. I took speech and drama classes, sang in the choir and performed on the drill team.  Although I never became a super model, have been crowned queen, got a record deal or danced with the stars, these experiences helped me gain confidence in myself and gave me the ability to overcome my shyness.

 

          My senior year in high school, I took a cosmetology course through the vocational skills center.  I didn’t finish beauty school.  I realized that I enjoyed getting my hair done more than I enjoyed doing other people’s hair.  I was also afraid of customers not liking my work.

 

About a year later, I attended the local community college. I took jazz dance, math, science and psychology courses.  I found the subject of psychology fascinating.  I loved learning about how the mind works.  After a few quarters of school, I got married to my high school sweetheart and started a family.  School was put on hold.

 

That relationship did not work out.  After a few years, I was a single mom with 2 young children.  I needed a way to support myself.  I decided to go back to school to become a medical assistant.  I was always interested in the medical field.  I met my husband.  I graduated and got a job at a small doctor’s office.  Within a few months, I became pregnant with our first child.  I decided to become a stay at home  mom and concentrated my efforts on the family.

 

I am now the mother of seven children.  I have six sons and one daughter between the ages of 4 and 21 years old.  I never planned to have so many.  I have always wanted a daughter.  My husband and I tried and tried.  We were finally blessed with a daughter as our fifth child.  Twice, we tried to give her a sister, but she gained two brothers instead.  Being the only girl, she is tough, just like one of the boys.  I have tried to teach her some lessons on how to behave like a young woman.

 

I would like to believe that I raised my kids to be confident and without fear of speaking of what is on their mind.  They certainly are not shy.  I am proud that they are able to socialize and easily make friends.  It is natural when you have a network of “friends” built into your family.  As much as they fight as siblings, outside the home they know they each have each others’ backs.  I am proud to be their mother and have faith that I have raised some wonderful kids.

 

After a twenty year hiatus, I returned to the same community college.  I had always planned on it.  I kept putting it off as more children kept coming into my life.  I finally was inspired to return to school when I saw that the psychology professor that I took so many years ago was teaching a course that I was interested in near my home.  I could not pass up the opportunity.  My husband has been very supportive with my return to school.

 

In taking the abnormal psychology class, I learned a great deal about myself, as a person and as a wife and mother.  I know my role in the home is important.  The class brought to light that the way that I treat and nurture my children has just about the biggest impact there is when it comes to how my children turn out as adults and eventually parents.  Of course, this was known to me, but the class armed me with the insight and tools to purposively do a more effective job.

 

The following quarter, I took a public speaking class.  Of course, many people would find speaking in front of a crowd a challenge.  I was nervous, but it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.  I actually enjoyed it.  I learned how to effectively use my voice to speak about topics that were important to me.  Although, I must admit, the thought of speaking in front of an audience is still horrifying to me.  I don’t think that will ever change.

 

The other day, I met a professor that teaches acting classes.  I joked around with him.  I informed him that I took a public speaking course the previous quarter and that his class sounded like the next logical step.  He told me that I seemed like the kind of person who could do well in his class.  I think so, too.  I definitely am not shy.

Finding Friendship

                      

Trying to be a good friend has taken much of my lifetime. Learning began with the first relationships I had with my parents when I was a newborn. When my siblings were born, I learned how to communicate and interact with them. As a child, I had a few friends in my neighborhood. It was interesting to see how their family differed from my own; both physically and socially. Again, I gained even more insight on more people when I started school. Each individual person was different.


In meeting new people, I have had to adjust my way of thinking and behavior to adapt to relationships outside of my family unit. It was unfamiliar territory and I had to make adjustments. Some people held similar ideals and attitudes as me and we became fast friends. We had many things in common. With other people, our personalities clashed. This is possibly because our differences made us uncomfortable around each other. I gravitated to staying around people who were within my comfort zone. My inclination to choose certain groups to spend my time with also had to do with how comfortable others felt around me.


Over the years, some friendships have come and gone. Others are still intact today. As people change and evolve, each relationship is sure to change. Hopefully for the better.

Learning About the Truth

            I have always thought of myself to be an honest person.  I expect that others are also honest with me.  I have been disappointed many times.  Whenever anyone shares information with me, I expect that they are being truthful.  Sadly, that is not always the case.  In sharing myself, I have been left vulnerable and open to be hurt.  Sometimes, it is not my words, but my face that gives it all away.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I can be too trusting.  I just want to be real.  And I falsely hold the belief that everyone is being real with me.

          I have put myself into situations where my mouth had gotten me in trouble.  I have been known to blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.  I know I need to think before I speak.  It is a struggle to keep my thoughts to myself.  It is also tough for me to hold back my emotions.  It has been said that if you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all.  Trying to fix a situation where you said too much can be nearly impossible.  Silence is golden.  Sometimes keeping your thoughts to yourself is best.  Some thoughts should be kept private.

          I honestly love people and want what’s best for them.  When I speak, it comes from my heart.  Being honest with everyone is a good policy because you never have to remember what you said to someone.  You don’t need to cover-up lies or half truths.  But words can be misunderstood.  I have hurt people with my honest thoughts and opinions.  I have left myself open to criticism from others.  I wish others weren’t so judgmental.

          The definition of learning is a change in behavior due to experience.  I need to learn how to handle myself better when it comes to my verbal outbursts.  I hope to someday know when to speak the truth or keep the truth to myself.

The Educational Narrative That I Liked Best

            Of the five educational narratives that we were assigned to read, the one I liked the most was Malcolm X’s “Learning to Read”.  Although, in previous blog posts I criticized the appearance because it was only text, I thought his writing was the most clear and concise.  The content of the material in this essay taught me more about him and his experiences than the other examples.  I found his descriptions to be vivid.  They drew me in and painted numerous “word pictures” in my mind.  I felt like I could relate to his words.  Through his hardships, I felt compassion; I felt his pain and concern.

            I believe that if the essay was written as a blog or newspaper article with pictures to compliment the narrative, it would make it more visually appealing to want to read.  Truthfully, I only read his work because it was an assignment.  I am glad that I had the opportunity.

            I felt that his experiences had a significant lesson and I enjoy learning things that can teach me how I can improve my life.  I found his writing to be not just inspirational, but enriching.  It teaches a lesson that has no boundaries in relation to an individual reader’s time or status.  His words carry much meaning.

The Differences Between Essays and Blogs

            Comparing the educational narratives in this unit has been a challenge for me.  I am the type of student that finds it difficult to give opinions and my interpretations of other peoples’ works.  I am a literal reader and find it hard to “read between the lines”.  I take most things in life at face value and don’t spend much time looking beneath the obvious top layer.

            I found that the essays, while interesting, were a bit hard to read compared to the blogs.  There was not much to look at during my first glance but a large amount of text.  They were paragraphs utilizing words with no variation in font or color, like a novel.

            The blogs, while technically still essays, seemed more interesting to look at.  It was like reading a magazine or newspaper article with pictures or a children’s book with illustrations.  It was much more inviting.  They drew me in.

            Each writer had their own style.  While they were all interesting in their own way, the way each narrative was presented brought different reactions from me.  For me, the first impression has a big impact.  I could miss out on reading a very interesting book or article just because of my initial reaction to the appearance.