Life Beyond 40

I turned 41 last month.  September 11^th to be exact.  In the past 12 years, I have gotten solemn birthday greetings instead of exuberant, “Happy Birthday!” ones.  It’s almost as if people are apologetic to me because I was born on the date of such a horrific day in United States history.  No need for apology, it was my birthday for many years before that tragic event.

          The 40^th year of my life was a whirlwind.  As an outsider looking in, it would seem like I went through my midlife crisis right on cue.  Not only was I “over the hill”, but I seemed to have soared “beyond the mountain” as well.  I lived just about every cliché in the book in that one single year; minus the shiny, sleek sports car.  Wait.  That is stereotypically what men do, right? 

          I learned very much about myself in a relatively short amount of time.  More things than I have learned in one single year of any other part of my entire life.  There are a lot of experiences to be had in forty years of life, right?  But as I start my 41^st year, the same questions still remain:  Who am I?  What am I supposed to be when I grow up?  When will I figure it out?  Where should I be in this point of my life?  Why haven’t I figured it all out by now?  How am I supposed to find the answers to these questions?  

          I had to get to the middle of my life in order to have enough life experiences to reflect back upon to try to make sense of it all.  And it seems that I will be moving forward, hopefully finding the answers.

          My husband turns 40 this coming April.  I hope he is easier to deal with than I have been.  And maybe, just maybe, there is still a shiny, sleek sports car in my future…